Dark Cloud
"Is there life after adultery?" Jane wondered, "I feel like I am losing control of my mind... like I'm living under a dark cloud of negative thoughts and awful images. It's like a bad movie playing in my head on a loop, over and over again. Every time these images appear in mind it's like being kicked in the gut. At the moment I can't imagine ever being happy again if I am going to constantly think about my husband and that woman together."
Poor Jane. I really pity her. And I know that she is not alone.
It's very common for victims of a marital affair to be tormented with upsetting, negative thoughts after adultery. If your husband or wife has cheated on you then I am sure this must all sound horribly familiar.
When you first discovered the affair you may have demanded to know all the details in an effort to understand how it happened. After adultery you will have so many questions and may start to imagine the answers in your mind, playing out a wild fantasy of what you think they did together.
These dark thoughts can be draining and consume your every waking minute if you don't try to control them in some way.
I am not saying that you will never think about the affair again. That would be unrealistic. But you CAN reduce the frequency and intensity of these negative thoughts and recurring images so that eventually they surface only very rarely, so that you can get on with your life.
If you are serious about healing yourself after adultery and even saving your marriage, it is critical that you protect yourself first from these negative thought patterns taking over your mind and life.
There are specific phases you need to work though in order to save your marriage. Before you try to heal yourself, your partner must first demonstrate that they are making an effort to change their behaviour after adultery so that you feel more secure.
When you feel ready to work on taking control of your own thoughts then try these 3 steps
Step 1: Track your thoughts - keep a thought diary
At this stage it might help to carry a small notebook around with you so that you can quickly jot down the time of day and place that a bad thought occurs (you don't need to write the actual thoughts). This is similar to keeping a food diary if you were trying to lose weight.
This will help you become aware of what kind of situations might trigger the thoughts.
Step 2: Uncover negative thought patterns
Can you see any patterns emerging as to when these negative thoughts happen?
For instance is it when you are trying to sleep? Or when you are driving to work?
Or are they related to a certain activity, for instance, if you normally enjoy watching romantic comedies then you might decide to watch a different type of movie for the time being such as an action film or a thriller.
Step 3: Break negative thought patterns
Once you have uncovered some of the negative thought patterns that occur after adultery you can then take action to put a stop to them when they occur or avoid situations that will make them occur.
For instance, if they happen when you try to sleep then change your bed time ritual so that you feel comforted and relaxed when you got to bed - avoid reading a newspaper in bed which is often full of negative stories.
On the way to work try listening to an audio book in your car. I know one woman who started learning a language from a CD course in the car - she told me that it was so absorbing and made her feel that she was doing something positive for herself. She would arrive at work feeling refreshed instead of drained.
So try to do anything that takes your attention away from those obsessive thoughts and breaks the negative thought patterns.
These steps will help but are not the full solution to your complex situation. If your marriage has been shattered after adultery, you can access a much more detailed FREE online course and BONUS video designed to help you heal yourself and your marriage
Click this link now http://www.afteradultery.info to access the FREE course and survive the affair.
Whats On My YouTube Today?
Dark Cloud -005- The First Duel
Here Are A Few Items From Amazon You Might Be Interested In.
| Account limit of 2212 requests per hour exceeded. |
Items recently purchased on this site:
Thanks for visiting!
Tags: webdesign, photography, web2.0Filed under: Video Games
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!